Gone on Vacation

Back shortly.

Intervention, I say, Intervention!

Hi. Julia here. My boss can't blog today. He got an illness. He is dependent on some old timey guy called Senator Claghorn and he keeps imitating him. He even attempted to buy confederate bonds, since he is certain that they will be very valuable once the south rises again. And I am not allowed to watch Foghorn Leghorn anymore. He says that it is wholesale stealing. Even though he keeps talking like Foghorn. So me, Mark and Ashley had an intervention, to put a stop to his old-timey shenanigans. It went well, I think. Except when it turned into an intervention for Mark to stop him from wearing tight pants. I am not sure how he turned the intervention around, but he managed it. That intervention went even better, except for when a crying Mark removed his pants and asked us to throw them away for him. Then me and Ashley went over to Marks apartment to burn all of his tight pants. Unfortunately, he had nothing but tight pants, so, now, Mark has nothing but his tighty whities. He doesn't seem to mind though. So, I guess that everybody is happy.

Hey, wait. We never got my boss to stop talking like Claghorn. I had completely forgotten about that. We should probably get on that.

The Content of my pockets after my last arrest

The local police officers finally located the crate of stuff that I had on my person when I was arrested. Due to a lack of stuff to write about, I have decided to just give you this.

1 25g EyePot filled with the music of Bhutanesian countrysinger Willie Döndrub and German Technoartists Der Krankenshaft. The back is engraved with the text "Crap Music for a Crap Player".

1 Unitranslator

1 German Dictionary from 1923

65 Q-tips

5 spray handcleaners

1 USB Cable

1 Lustiges Taschenbuch #250

1 roll of Dentalfloss

1 Comb

1 Glas

3 pair of glasses of various strenght

1 pair of Sunglasses

1 Viewfinder

1 Notebook.

1 note with the text "And Where is my Baby Bye Basket?"

1 peachflavoured Ice Tea

1 DVD "The Absolutely Faboulous Adventures of Magnus P. Tagmus

1 fake dogpoop

1 Guinness Glass

1 can of Guinness

1 wallet with an image of Che Guevara

$23.07

Everything is gonna be OK

Ashley: Hey, honey, I'm home.
Young: No mood for old timey references. For I am watching Lost.
Ashley: What is that?
Young: A TV show. About people on a weird island.
Ashley: Not the show. What is that in your hand?
Young: This? A coke.
Ashley: Don't give me that. Where did you get an OK Soda?
Young: I know a guy.
Ashley: You know a guy who can get you 15 year old sodas only released in limited markets?
Young: Actually, it is brand new.
Ashley: You know a guy who can get you brand new OK Sodas?
Young: Yep.
Ashley: They haven't made them since 1995!
Young: Yet, here we are.
Ashley: Alright, who do you know that can get you freshly brewed OK Soda?
Young: Revealing so would be a break of the Client/Shady Guy Who Can Get Anything priviledge and would prevent me from getting more of these.
Ashley: Who makes these fresh cans?
Young: A fair question and one that in recent weeks has been much on my mind. It is my considered opinion that it never left production, but but just got pulled from stores.
Ashley: And why would they make it and not sell it?
Young: Ah, another fair question. And one that I am still pondering. There are more in the downstairs fridge. Help yourself.
Ashley: Alright, but one of these days I am gonna have to demand some answers.
Young: I will ask Shady if he has any in stock.

Mr. Music Listener Man

Young: I think that Rick Astley was the greatest thing to come out of the eighties. Just listen to this. "Never gonna give you up. Never gonna let you down". Just classic.
Ashley: No, no. Madonna. Madonna is great. Put on a Madonna LP.
Mark: No, U2.
Julia: I don't know any of these guys. Except Madonna. "Music: Makes nananana and the nana. Naaaaaaa."
Young: I don't know that song and I don't have that album and I don't want it either. And if you ever hum that tune again, I will confiscate The Lady Margurite Singleton of Teddyburghshire. For a week.
Julia: Aw, don't do that. She never did anything to you.
Young: Alright, but don't sing that song. Ever again.

Scrabble Master

Mark: Alright, those were the last bricks, so, last round, everybody. I have... Nothing, really. I have this N, so I can write IN, here.
Ashley: I use that to write FRINGE. Note that.
Mark: Noted.
Julia: FLAPJACKS.
Young: QUIXOTIC.
Mark: Alright, let us tally up the score. Lessee, hm. I got 67 points. Why did we stop playing with double and tripple wordscore?
Young: Because no one wanted to keep score of it.
Mark: Oh yeah. Ashley got 88.
Ashley: Aw yeah. I am good.
Mark: And Young and Julia both got 99.
Young: Of courwait, what?
Mark: See for yourself. You both got 99 points.
Julia: Yay! I won.
Young: Not a victory.
Julia: In my opinion, yes it is.
Young: How did this happen?
Mark: I am not entirely sure.
Ashley: It is quite bizarre really.
Julia: I am the winner.
Ashley: It appears so.
Mark: I am gonna count again. Yep, 99 points each.
Young: DAMMIT!
Julia: I won!

Getting drunk on life. And booze.

Ashley: No, no more, no more. Right, just a finger. Alright, two fingers. Four fingers. Six. Eight.
Young: There can't be eight fingers of alcohol in that glas, even if you stack your hands on top of each other.
Ashley: *Pouts*. You need bigger glasses.
Young: What, like Urkel?
Ashley: Drinkingglasses. You know what I mean.
Young: Yeah, I do, don't I.
Mark: Alright, who hasn't tried some sort of mixture?
Julia: I haven't tried red wine with that one.
Mark: Alrighty... Here you go.
Julia: Thanky.
Mark: So, what does it taste like.
Julia: This is the worst thing I have ever tasted.
Young: You should try Marks mouthwash drink.
Ashley: Wassat then?
Young: It is vodka and coughdrops. It tastes just like mouthwash.
Ashley: Can I have some?
Mark: Sorry, it has to soak for a few days.
Ashley: So you need to plan your drinking day.
Mark: Exactly. Write it in your calender.
Young: On the seventh, meeting with the boss, pick up drycleaning, buy stamps, get drunk.
Julia: Why can't I get the taste out of my mouth?
Young: That is exactly what I asked. "Mark, I said a week later. "Why can I still taste mouthwash?".
Ashley: The worst drink I ever had was vodka and wheatgrass.
Young: Ah, a lawnmower.
Ashley: My ex really loved the Simpsons.
Mark: Beer and Cola.
Young: Hey, I love beer and Cola.
Ashley: Hey, who is up for Scrabble?
Mark: Hey, yeah, with him drunk, we might have a chance.
Young: Fat chance.

I have come to a disappointing conclusion

I just don't have the time or the stamina to update twice a week. It was a nice experiment and it was nice that it was able to last nearly three months, but, as of Friday, I will return to a once-a-week updating schedual. At one point, I actually contemplated that if this went well, I was gonna go over to a thrice a week schedual next year, but alas. It was either this, or completely abandon this blog, and I didn't want to disappoint my no doubt millions of loving fans. Plus, I kind of think that I got a good thing going now.

When Opposites meet.

Mark: What is the opposite of... The Smurfs.
Young: The Jolly Green Giant. No, wait. The Hulk, because he is also angry. The opposite of dinosaurs?
Mark: Teddy Bears. They are small, furry and cuddly.
Young: I Challenge. Because they are not alive and are therefore in a different catagory. The opposite of Dinosaurs are koalas.
Mark: Damn. Points for you. What is the score?
Young: 17 to 15.
Mark: The jury is still out on the whole Fish/Centipede thing.
Young: Oh yeah. Julia? Where are you on the Fish-thing?
Julia: Fish and centipedes are opposites. Elephants are the opposite of ants.
Young: Told ya.
Mark: Dang. 17-15 then.
Young: Whose turn is it?
Mark: I just answered, so it must be me.
Young: But I answered the question... We should have written down the rules in advance.
Mark: Flip a coin.
Young: Heads or tails?
Mark: Yes please.
Young:... Shut up and say something.
Mark: Heads.
Young: Badiiiiing! Heads.
Mark: The Opposite of V?
Young: Chancellor Susan.
Mark: What?
Young: What what?
Mark: The Letter V.
Young: Oh. A. No. 8.
Mark: Very well.

Lunch on my lawn part 2

In the last episode:

Ashley: A picnic.
Young: By the power of Greyskull!
Julia: You don't have a periscope.

And now:

Young: No idea. But I am pretty sure that she did a loke of cocain in the eighties.
Ashley: Aha.
Young: ... I was gonna ask something, but I forgot what.
Ashley: What they are doing on your lawn?
Young: Oh, right. What are they doing on my lawn?
Ashley: Should we ask?
Young: Should we tell Julia to ask?
Ashley: ... Jules? Get over here? Go ask those two why they are here?
Julia: Oke-Doke.

A minute later.

Julia: They are having a picnic.
Young: Why on my lawn?
Julia: ... Hold on.

A minute later.

Julia: To show that he has changed into a wellrounded individual and that he has forgiven you for that thing that he thinks that you did but you didn't.
Young: Okay. Hold on. Hey Denby, I never slept with your daughter.
Ashley: Whoa, I didn't think that that would make him angry.
Young: Several months of therapy for nothing. Well, that is what happens, some times.
Ashley: So, why did you have to tell him?
Young: Idunno. Wanna play Ice Climber?
Ashley: Sure. Hey, do you think that that was enough to drive Denby insane again?
Young: If not, I am gonna send Mark over to their house to score Angela. While distracting Denby with some sort of male stripper. And leave a joker, so that he thinks I was there.
Ashley: Why a joker?
Young: It was the sign I used when I played pranks on Denby, when I worked for him. I stole the idea from Batman.
Ashley: Fair enough. Can I be the pink one?
Young: Of course.

Lunch on my lawn? That is unacceptable!

Ashley: Hey, guys. Have you looked out at your front-yard recently?
Young: Can't say that I have. Why? Anything interesting going on?
Ashley: Denby is having a picnic with his wife.
Young: Denby?
Ashley: Yeah.
Young: By the power of Greyskull, he has returned. He must be stohold up. A picnic with Mrs. Denby? On my lawn? Julia, get my periskope!
Julia: You don't have a periscope.
Young: Do I have binoculars?
Julia: Yes, but you don't need them, since they are right outside.
Young: In that case, lead me to the window!
Julia: Over there.
Young: Thank you. Why yes, that does appear to be a picnic. In late february. What is he up to?
Ashley: A picnic.
Young: He spotted us!
Ashley: Hey, he is waving. Should I wave back?
Young: No, just look suspeciosly at him.
Ashley: How old is Mrs. Denby?
Young: 'bout 45, I think.
Ashley: She looks pretty good.
Young: She used to be a model.
Ashley: Really?
Young: Yeah. Winnifred Margareth Harper.
Ashley: How come she married Denby.


Will Young know the answer to that particular question? Tune in next time!

Mulder and Scully VS. Fred, Daphne, Velma, Shaggy and Scooby. Man, that is a long title.

If I needed to make the choice, I would rather watch Scooby Doo than X-Files. Don't get me wrong. I love X-Files. And not just because of that concentrated hotness that is Gillian Anderson. It is a brilliant and, for the first five or so seasons at least, wellwritten show. But, if I have to pick my favourite show about people chasing monsters, give me Scooby Doo. Sure, it was formulaic and cheaply animated, but, come on. Scooby Doo! Not just because I got the same hairdue as Shaggy, or because I am growing a chinbeard, or because my friends are a tall guy, a readhead and a nerdy chick with glasses. And a dog. No. And not because in ten minutes I will distracting Mark while Julia runs out to his van and write Mystery Machine on it. And we will solve mysteries from the comfort of my home. And me and Sandy will run up and down the corridore. And then, we will eat.

I know that I had a point when I started this, but I cannot remember what it was, so there.

I had a dream...

I had a dream, last night, where I was a superhero. But I wasn't especially helpfull, so, actually, it is debatable how much I was a hero. I didn't have any superpowers, so, technically, I wasn't super either. Now that I think of it, I am not even sure if it was a dream. Come to think of it, I might have fallen asleep during an episode of Friends, so it might not actually have been a dream, as much as sleepily absorbing it. That would explain why my dream wasn't that entertaining.

All in all, as far as dreams go, that would be a solid low. My favourite is still the one with Pinhead, from Hellraiser, driving a powder-blue sportscar. I can't remember the rest, but from there, it can't be all bad.

Something weird is going on

Julia here. My boss is acting weird. Dr. Aquino said that she had filled TicTacs in a large, empty, pillbottle and given it to my boss, and that is why he is acting strange. I can see point A and I can see point B but I really can't connect them. The Doctor says that I shouldn't tell him, though, and she is the Doctor, so, I better ignore him. She will bring a new presciption around every few weeks, so at least we have TicTacs in the house.

Just what the doctor ordered!

One of the Aquino twins were just over. That is the name if my doctors. She diagnosed me with a light cold, that should blow over in a couple of days. I insisted, though, and she gave me some pills. Oxyphentynontylite. And, I feel much better already. I feel light as a cloud. I haven't felt this good in a long time. This is good.